Unexpected phone calls


I want to focus on the positives of autism in this blog but there are also some difficulties that a diagnosis is allowing me to examine in more detail. Difficulties that may seem like very simple things externally. A big one of these for me is answering an unexpected phone call.

This is something I've always had issues with and it happened to me just last week, I received a call from a government organisation. I knew roughly what it was about but I couldn't answer the phone. It’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s that I couldn’t and that is where it appears to be something connected to my autism rather than a simple choice. The caller left a message asking me to call them back but without giving the reason for the call. 

I couldn’t call them back in this situation either. They rang again the next day but I still hadn’t prepared for the call. If I answered they could ask me anything and that is not a situation I can allow myself to be in so I simply didn’t answer.

The call was about something that was to my benefit and I imagine most people would have easily picked up the phone and given them the answer they needed and moved on. It would almost be a non-event.

As this was an unplanned interaction it caused me a problem and understanding why holds an importance to me. I’m not seeing this as a defect and I’m not looking to “fix” this as I don't see that being neurodivergent is a curable "disorder", it's just how my brain operates. However in the neurotypical world it is expected that if the phone rings you can answer it or not. That is a choice most people have but the expectation is that you can and usually will answer the phone when it rings. 

For an autistic person an unexpected phone call is an unscheduled change to the expected plan[1]. If my plan is to spend the next hour reading and my phone rings then answering it is almost impossible. There would need to be an instant switching of tasks required and that isn’t something I handle well. 

As it's unexpected I've had no way to prepared for the call or the conversation as I had no idea it was going to take place and this also causes me problems. 

For a phone call I usually like an agenda, a list of points to make, possible responses they may have, and some general planning in place. I may even write a full script of how I think it will go.

The next issue is that the sounds that telephones make are designed to be intrusive and alerting.[2] I'm going to cover sensory overload in another blog post but these intrusions can be ringtones, SMS alerts, computer message alerts or emails coming into an inbox. They all have an associated sound which has been designed to alert and disrupt. These sounds usually have a very abrupt start and are short but repetitive and often in the higher frequency range. This is very difficult for me and I generally don’t have my phone or laptop configured to make any noises at all. Yes, I do miss a lot of unexpected calls and yes it does annoy people.

The usual social cues that exist whilst talking to someone can be essential for giving autistic people a fighting chance of working out how the person is feeling. These are not present in a phone call, even less so in a text or chat message. So whilst the lack of eye contact is pleasing in a phone call there is also something missing. 

The demand is instant in a voice call. There is no time to think or plan a response. At least with a text or email chain you can compose your response, think about reactions and plan what you need to say. With a phone call there is none of this time. These are problems related to a Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) profile.[3] 

I don’t see this aversion changing and unexpected phone calls will always be an issue for me. I have a need for sameness, continuity and focus without disruption. Many neurotypical people also need these things when concentrating but for someone with autism the reactions to breaks in continuity are a quickly escalating anxiety which can cause sudden and, often thought of as, unusual behaviours. 


[1] Why Phone Calls Can be Incredibly Difficult for Autistic People, https://www.authenticallyemily.uk/blog/why-phone-calls-can-be-incredibly-difficult-for-autistic-people-and-people-with-anxiety

[2] Sound Sensitivity In Adults With Autism Spectrum Disorder, https://kennethrobersonphd.com/sound-sensitivity-in-adults-with-aspergers-syndrome/

[3] Pathological Demand Avoidance - a guide for autistic adults, https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/pda/autistic-adults

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